Introduction
A mom-and-daughter relationship is something overlooked by some teen girls while they live in their parents’ house for granted. Others struggle with this relationship by arguing and misunderstanding each other. Daughters don’t realise that, soon, they will get married, which means the good days of living with their moms will be over. And motherly love has no substitute wherever they go.
If Allah has blessed you with a mom, you have a great responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship between yourselves.
I recently read the following post which is driving me to write this article today.
“I lost my mother… I think about her every single day. I still have her number on my phone even though I know she’ll never ring. I just don’t have the heart to get rid of it. Every day I wish I could hug her and tell her how much I love her. But my chance has gone. If you are still lucky enough to have your queen in your life, cherish her and tell her you love her.”
As a daughter, I know it’s hard to focus on maintaining and enjoying your relationship with your mom aside from your studies and social life. But just close your eyes for a moment and think about everything she has done for you. You exist because of her. She gave you love, bore pain, and taught you to speak. She cooks food for you and has provided you with a healthy environment in which you have grown. If you feel like she has some faults, so do you.
“In pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give birth to him.”
— Quran 46:15
Mothers in Islam
Mothers have a great status in Islam. There is a very famous narration in which a man came to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’
Moreover, Allah ordered in the Quran:
“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be good to your parents…”
— Quran 17:23
Pillars of the mom-and-daughter bond
There are some pillars of the mom-and-daughter bond which are essential to sustain a healthy relationship instead of a susceptible one.
* Love
You need to habitually give your mom all the love you have got. For example, make it a habit to give her a kiss when she wakes you up for Fajr. Give her nice words throughout the day, like thank you, and please. Make sure to smile when you look at her instead of giving her a frown. Let her know how much you love her and hug her as well.
* Trust
It is very important to build trust with your mom. Trust what she is saying because “Mom always wants what is good for you”. Moreover, always speak the truth to her because she should be the closest to you. You must understand how much breaking her trust would hurt her. So, don’t do haram acts or acts she forbids because she may find out and that will break her heart. (If she doesn’t find out, Allah is watching you). Think very carefully before engaging in any act; tell yourself: “If my mom asked me whether I did this, I must say yes. I mustn’t lie to her.” This will help you become a better Muslim, in sha Allah.
* Care
When it comes to care, caring about yourself is the first and largest part of caring about your mom. You care for your mom by being organized, well-mannered, responsible, and hard-working because you are taking care of these things which she would’ve done otherwise. For instance, keeping yourself and your room tidy, studying enough, and sorting out your fights with your siblings without involving her (because it’s probably something minor and silly).
Next, care about your younger siblings if you have any. I know it’s your mom’s job, but you can help her! After all, they are your siblings, and you are somewhat responsible.
Third, play a role in managing the house activities and schedules. That’s your mom’s main job and she can always use a hand. Moms will feel cared for by such acts especially when they are busy or ill. For example, if the bins are full, you can empty them out. And if its nearly dinner time, pop into the kitchen to see if she needs any help (which she always does!).
Lastly, I will give you a tip that will make your mom feel extremely cared for and she will feel lucky to have you as her daughter! When she goes out for a while, clean the house for her and make it look welcoming. These little acts could go a long way to strengthen your relationship, and you will get much reward from Allah.
* Sharing Emotion
If someone hurt your feelings, whether it’s your friend, sibling, or anyone else, you should tell your mom how you feel. This is because a problem shared is a problem halved. If your studies are stressing you out, peer pressure is trying to control you or you just feel hopeless, let her know. This will make her feel valued and responsible for you which is exactly how she wants to feel. You will see that mothers always solve these problems for you and console you like no one else can. Sharing emotion will end up in increasing love between yourselves, in sha Allah.
* Dua
Make Dua for each other, and for the relationship as well. Dua is a very powerful component which shouldn’t be underestimated. The prophet said, “Call upon Allah while being certain of being answered” (Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3479).
The dua for parents in the Quran is:
و قل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
“And say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them, as they raised me when I was a child.’”
— Quran 17:24
* Encouragement
Finally, the last step to strengthen your mom-and-daughter relationship is to encourage each other to do good things. This will make both of you better Muslims, in sha Allah, because you will help one another get rewards and race to do good deeds. Islam always has a positive effect on relationships so never forget to include it in this one!
Conclusion
To sum up, anything that makes you feel closer to your mom is good for the relationship. Any acts or words that harm the relationship should be avoided. With a lot of duas and effort, Allah will help you both to get closer to him and then to each other. I hope that your relationship with your mom becomes stronger than ever, in sha Allah, and that you become role models for the people around you and for the next generation. Ameen.
